i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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