I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
