Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize