once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
