If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
