I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
