Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.