she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Can I color on your dick again?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"