Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Randomize
Follow @tfln