I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late