Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize