Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
