She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
