i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So much rum. So many feels.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
