I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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