I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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