There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
