the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
