my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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