My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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