tell your sister to shave her snatch
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
