You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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