I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
