is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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