he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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