This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
