he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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