how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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