It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
