Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
