We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
