happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
