remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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