Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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