great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
