umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I touched a dick in church today
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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