god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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