The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
