I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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