i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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