You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
