I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
