I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
