M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
