i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
