all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
