I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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