matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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