I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize