Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
