My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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