Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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