I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
