I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
pop tarts are not kleenex
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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