Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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