when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
