Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
