apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
