I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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