these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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