Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
