soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm passing your future prison.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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