My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
