that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
