do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
