You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
