While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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