i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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