break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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