all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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